Forward.

Since my last post, I have been overwhelmed with all of your love and support.  I feel so blessed to associate with so many selfless, thoughtful friends and family that rally around us whenever we need it.  I am humbled and inspired by your examples of service and generosity.  From the bottom of my heart, Thank You. 

To me, the likely possibility of Miss B having leukemia, was like getting hit in the head with the Life-Is-Hard stick.  And it hurt!  Bad!

But as I've had the past week to move forward, I have come to the conclusion that Miss B either has leukemia, or she does  not.  Only God knows what is in store for her.

And while I will pray constantly that Miss B will be healthy; I am determined that the fear of future possibilities will not paralyze me in the present.  I will push forward with faith, trusting God that all will turn out for the best.

As Helen Keller said, "Life is either a daring adventure, or it is nothing." In our house, life being "nothing" is not an option.  I refuse to allow us to dwell and fixate on the storm clouds that could be brewing, instead of enjoying the sunshine of the moment.

Our lives will be a daring adventure.

Leukemia or not.

Welcome Back to the Pinball-Machine-Life

After our crazy year with Miss B's diagnosis, Dr. C's PhD, Miss B's birth, Open Heart surgery and then our move down here to a state I'd never even visited before...I was in desperate need of a soft place to land.  We had been living the pinball-machine life and I craved feeling like I was settled into Home. 

The South has taken me in, showed me some amazing hospitality, soothed my soul, and treated me like family.  And while The Village can't provide all of the things the city-girl in me misses; The Village has given me respite from the weariness I felt when we arrived.

So when Dr. C applied for a job back in the midwest back in August and asked me if I was ready to move again, I told him I'd think about it if he got an offer.

When he asked again after the phone interview back in September, I said I'd let him know when I saw the offer letter in his hand.

And then after they flew him up there for in in-person interview in October; and I felt like a little kid sticking her fingers in her ears--na-na-na-I'm-not-listening!

And then the offer letter came two weeks ago.

And I had to seriously think about moving. 

AGAIN.

Our sixth move in 9 1/2 years of marriage.

As we thought about it and prayed about it...I was conflicted.  We have been digging in here...we have our friends-that-are-family, Dr. C loves his job here, I was finally making progress on a Down syndrome group, Miss B is in the most wonderful preschool and has amazing therapists, T-Man and Fearless are excelling in school. 

Most of all, how could we walk away from the people and the place that took care of us when we needed it most? 

It is times like this...the times when you have a choice between good and good...that praying and receiving answers to your prayers is the only way to move forward with confidance.  I didn't know what we should do--Should we uproot our family again for the unknown?  Should we stay and make The South our permanent home? 

After much prayer, apparently God wants us bounce back into the pinball-machine-life and we have decided that our time in The South is coming to an end--Dr. C starts his new job in Des Moines, Iowa on Dec. 5th.

I know this is the right decision, but it is with a heavy heart that I have been getting our first home ready to sell...ready to be enjoyed for years to come by some other family.  And while I'm excited to live closer to my sisters...I will deeply miss all of my Southern family here.

Even though The Village and The South aren't going to be our lifetime-Home, I will always look back on these two and half years with gratitude for the wonderful people that have made my family part of their family; for the place that was a balm to my frayed nerves as I began our new journey having a child with special needs; for teaching me that slowing down is a good way of life; for giving us that soft place to land.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Half Birthday.

Six months ago today, Miss Banana turned two. 

  

At the time, I still thought of her as my baby--my little one.

But in the past six months, she has decisively grown out of babyhood and is solidly a toddler/preschooler.

Gone are the days of Mommy picking out her clothes.  Gone are the days of being able to keep her from climbing on the table.  Gone are the days of needing me for everything.

Once my girl discovered all the things she could do for herself, she decided she wanted to do them.  She is probably going to be just as stubborn and opinionated as her mother.

As a new parent of a child with Down syndrome, I worried about my child taking a long time to move to the next stage--all the questions about the timeline of the future swirled in my head; trying to stifle the joy to be found in the present...when will she crawl?  when will she walk?  when will she talk?  will she ever be able to do things for herself??

As I've watched Miss Banana grow and develop, I've found myself asking the "when will she ____?" questions a lot less and the "What's the big hurry?" question a lot more.

And I've discovered that there is no hurry.

Whether she reaches the next milestones quickly or stays behind...my little lady never fails to move on--she's constantly working, progressing, growing, becoming all she is meant to be.

While I miss my Miss Banana-baby, there is lots of joy in my little lady as she is now. 

Her future is bright; I'm so thankful that I get to be part of her life.

Miss Banana, I love you to the moon and back.

Still Counting.

By now you have all seen the horrible footage from the deadly tornadoes in the South.

The destruction and devastation is heartbreaking.

And too close to home.

A few days before those awful storms, we took a day trip to the Atlanta Temple while it was open to the public.  It was a whole day devoted to spending time together as a family, of teaching and learning and growing closer together.

Looking back, I don't know if that day would be as seared into my brain as much as it is now since those tornadoes tore through the South.  But now, I look at these pictures of my family and look at the pictures of the devastation across the South...and I'm counting my blessings.

Because these four people--Dr. C, T-Man, Fearless, and little Miss Banana--are precious to me.  And I am so, so blessed to have them.



The stories coming out of the storms are heartbreaking--a husband steps out on the front porch to see the storm and is never seen again.  An elderly sister leaves the safety of her house to try to save her two sisters-in-law living in mobile homes--her last act of bravery in a well-lived life.

So much loss in such a short amount of time...it is difficult to wrap my brain around it.  It's hard to reconcile the beauty and tragedy that nature can produce. 

 And yet despite all the devastation, I am amazed at the blessings all around--the strength of community the South has, the love of neighbor, the willingness people have to serve, the increase of faith and the turning to God despite all hardship. 

Which leaves me counting my blessings. 

One by one. 

Still counting. 

So Much To Be Thankful For

We spent the past week celebrating Pie Day and Thanksgiving in St. Louis, so I'm a little late writing down my "Thankful List" this year.  Here's at least a few of the things I am grateful for, in no particular order:

• My wonderful Dr. C, who encourages me to be the loud, spontaneous, opinionated, independent person that I am and who goes along with all of my wild schemes...even though it means he has to come in and rescue me at the last minute when I get in over my head and I have five hypothetical pots going on the four-burner stove and there is still 10 hours of work left to be done in the last 5 minutes.  And he still loves me afterward.  I'm pretty sure he has secured his sainthood several times over.
• My three children who delight me daily.  They keep me young, they remind me of what is important in life, they forgive and forget easily, and their love knows no bounds.
• Modern medicine and amazing doctors that have worked miracles on my second and third child many times over.  (T-Man hardly ever gets sick or hurt--thankful for that too!)  I am also grateful that Dr. C and I have good health.
• The beautiful weather in The South (except for the summer).  I don't miss the cold and the wind and the snow and the ice of the Midwest.  Not. One. Little. Bit.
• The Gospel of Jesus Christ--which gives me direction, hope, peace and comfort.
• Good books.  There is something magical about opening up a good book and being transported away into another time and place and forgetting your own world for awhile.  A good book is one of my favorite respites.
• My family.  My parents and sisters and brothers have given me friendship and support and memories that make my life rich.
• My friends that have become family.  I am so grateful for all the people that have accepted my little family as part of theirs and their family has become part of mine.
• Dr. C's job.  There are things that I don't like about The Village, but I am grateful that he has a good job that he likes doing.
• Icy-cold lemonade in the summer and big glasses of eggnog in the winter.
• Running and exercise.  I think clearer and feel better when I get out of bed for it.
• Nature.  We've lived and visited some pretty diverse places--the prairie, the desert, the mountains, the rolling hills, the pine forests, the beach...it doesn't matter which one I choose, when I sit in nature and just let the natural rhythms and sounds of the earth sink in, I can find peace and balance in my soul and all is right in the world again.

P.S. To the un-initiated, Pie Day is it's own holiday--the day before Thanksgiving--when the whole day is dedicated to Pie Making.  Our record one year was 21 pies, 18 varieties.  I think that year we had 15 people for dinner.  Anywho, this year we made 11 pies, for 9 people.  So of course we spent all of Thursday night, all of Friday, and all of Saturday morning trying to consume as much pie as possible.  Unfortunately (or fortunately--depending on how you look at it) we left the remaining pie at my parents house in St. Louis.  On the drive home yesterday, Fearless informed me that he hated our house because we didn't have pie for breakfast and that he wanted to go back to Grandma and Grandpa's.  I guess that means Pie Day (and Thanksgiving) was a success.

Miss Banana's Heart Day

June 26th is holiday.  Maybe not for the rest of you, but to us, June 26th is the day we celebrate the anniversary of Miss B's open heart surgery.  The day we celebrate that she is alive and well.  She is now a one-year-open-heart-surgery survivor.  AMAZING.  I am so grateful for modern medicine and for Dr. HeartSurgeon for making it possible for our little lady to be around to light up our lives like she does.  She is our little miracle baby. 

As I've been reflecting on this day last year, I remember feeling like June 26th was the day that the calendar stopped.  I couldn't really imagine what life would be like after that day--some parents of kids with congenital heart defects spent a few days in the hospital after surgery.  Some spent  months.  Some had children that didn't make it out of surgery.  Or that had serious complications during recovery that took their child.  I remember wondering which group we'd be in and that no matter which group it was--our lives would never be the same. 

We literally had to place our child's life into someone else's hands and then trust the surgeon and Heavenly Father that the best would happen.  We had to sign papers that said we knew that our child could die from the procedure.  We had to watch them wheel her away on the hospital bed, oblivious to what would happen next.  We had to wait and wait and wait as the surgery took place--the nurses came in and updated us occasionally...but there were long stretches where we did just about anything we could think of to keep our minds occupied so we didn't go crazy with worry.  We had to wait after they moved her into the PICU for them to get her body calmed down.  We had to walk in and see her intubated, covered in wires and drainage tubes filled with blood.

But then we got to see her recover.  The first few days seemed to drag on forever, but by day four post-op, she was ready to head home with only Tylenol as a pain reliever.  Once home, she really started to shine.  With a her heart pumping correctly, she was finally able to eat and gain weight.  She gained strenghth and started rolling, laughing, eating, crawling, and now, even pulling to stand.  Each of those accomplishments is a miracle.  An absolute miracle.

What a blessing that her surgery went so well.  Each day, I thank my Heavenly Father for her little life.  I am so grateful for her and for a loving God that knew how much I needed her and allowed her to stay on Earth with us.

We celebrated today with a Heart Day party.  Some friends, some heart-healthy food (well, except for the heart-cake!) played some heart games.  (No pictures of the party because it was a little wild, but Miss B wore her cute heart dress, we decorated in red and any other heart decoration I could find.  T-Man and Fearless had a lot of fun with it!)  We took a few pictures afterwards, just so we could see how much she's changed since this day last year. 

Amazing. 

Really, amazing.

Happy Heart Day, Miss B.

T-Man: The Kindergarten Graduate

Last week, T-Man finished kindergarten.  When did he get so old??  When did  I get old enough to have a child finishing kindergarten?!?  This post is for him.

T-Man on the first day of kindergarten.

                                         

T-Man on the last day of kindergarten.

T-Man,

You are truly an amazing child.  When you started kindergarten last fall, I was a little worried about you.  You were (and are) the absolute youngest kid in your class.  A lot of people told me I should wait to put you in kindergarten.  We were in a new place where people spoke with an accent that was hard for you to understand.  Your sister was still new and you were still recovering from the stress of her birth and heart surgery and the cross-country move.  But I knew you and your ability to learn easily and work hard.  So off to kindergarten you went. 

And you breezed through the year with no problems.  You made friends.  You learned how to read, and read well.  You learned how to write, and write well.  You learned how to count money and recognize different patterns.  You learned how to add, subtract and even some multiplication.  You learned about good manners--including the Southern "yes sir/yes ma'am"--and then you have tried to be more of a gentleman at home too.  You were the "Terrific Kid" twice.  You even picked up some of that accent that you didn't understand at first.  Your love of learning blossomed as you grew.  Your constant quest for knowledge is exhausting to me sometimes, but I love how eager you are to learn everything about EVERYthing...even though I don't know the answers to all of your questions.  I love that you think highly enough of me that you think I should know everything!

You have a tender heart.  You set a good example for your brother and sister of cheerfulness and kindness and generosity and inclusion.  You are quick to forgive others of their faults and you like to have things be peaceful and happy in our home.  You are a great helper and I love how I can count on you to be obedient when I ask you to do things.  You try so hard to do what is right!  You have a light that shines brightly and draws people to you.  You have more wisdom and understanding about the purpose of life than five years of life usually allow.  You are a joy to be around.  You are a great blessing in my life.

On graduation day, Mrs. Stegall told me that she thought this would be the first of many graduations for you.  And I think she is right.  You will go far, Little Man.  Nothing can stop you from achieving whatever it is you want to do. 

I love you!

Love,

Mommy

Getting his "diploma" from Mrs. Stegall and Mrs. Cork.

The Happy Graduate

(We tried to get a good graduation-jump picture. Not quite what I was hoping for, but we went with it.)

T-Man and Mrs. Stegall--his fabulous teacher!

Medical Adventures with Miss Banana: Panic, Blessings, and Introducing Dr. Guts

On Wednesday, I took Miss B to The BIG City to see Dr. TennHearts and the new doc in Miss B's life, Dr. Guts.

At our last appointment with Dr. TennHearts in The City at his clinic for those of us that live in The Village, he had noticed the hole in her atria that Dr. HeartSurgeon had put in (on purpose) during her heart surgery. He wanted to close the hole through a catheterization procedure because he thought too much blood was short-circuiting the heart through it. He had wanted to just go ahead and schedule the procedure instead of another check-up, but when I told him that we would be in The BIG City to see Dr. Guts, he decided to do one more check-up at his office with the BIG City equipment, which I'm pretty sure is more advanced than most medical equipment where we live.

Miss B had a fever the day before, but we have been waiting almost 4 months to see Dr. Guts and there was no way we were skipping the appointment!

The BIG City is about 3 hours away, so Miss B and left at 6:45AM to make it to Dr. TennHearts appt at 10. Poor Miss B slept the whole way and when we arrived, she obviously didn't feel good. The nurse took her temp (100.9F) and her respiration rate was super fast. But, being the heart doctors, they told me I would have to take her to the ER to get it figured out! Seriously??? We were in a room with 2 doctors and 3 nurses and NONE of them can tell me what is wrong with her? Ridiculous.

Anyway, they went ahead with the heart appointment. Dr. TennHearts walked into the room and said, "We are going to look at her heart today to see if we can fix the hole between her atria through catheterization or if we are going to have to open heart surgery again."

CUE PANIC

Wait a minute! Open heart surgery AGAIN?? WHAT?!?!?? We had talked about the catheterization before, but OPEN HEART SURGERY?!?


I don't think there are very many phrases in the English language that can strike fear in me like the phrase "open heart surgery" can.

The room started spinning and it was just about all I could do to keep from fainting.


I know that sounds overly dramatic, but for those of you who have had a child go through open heart surgery, I'm sure you can understand. For those of you who haven't....I hope that you never know. It's not something that I would want any child or parent to have to go through.


Miss B and I headed to the echo cardiogram room--where Miss B did a fabulous job. I think it helped that she felt like crap, because she actually fell asleep during it! Because she was so still, the tech got to spend a lot of time getting really good pictures of her heart.

The whole time I was silently praying that we wouldn't have to do open heart surgery, that the hole could be fixed with the catheter procedure.

We walked back to Dr. TennHearts' office for another wait. I paced the room--Miss B had fallen asleep again on my shoulder. 

Please don't need heart surgery again. Please. Please. Please.

Dr. TennHearts walked in and I braced myself for the worst.


"Good news. We got a really good look at her heart today. The hole is very small. And I think we should just leave it alone entirely. See you in six months."

CUE RELIEF

If I hadn't been so elated about the good news, I think I would have chewed him out for scaring the crap out of me.

I left the appointment with a still sick baby, but feeling very blessed. If she hadn't been sick and laying so still, they might not have gotten a good look at her heart. If we hadn't come all the way to The BIG City for her appointment, and just relied on the info from the equipment in The City, we would have unnecessarily messed with her heart. And possibly taken her into OPEN HEART SURGERY for NO REASON.


The idea of open heart surgery is horrible on its own...but to do open heart surgery unnecessarily?? (Shudder)...I don't even want to think about it.

In a daze, I picked up some Motrin for Miss B at the pharmacy--which helped tremendously.

After that wild ride, our appointment with Dr. Guts was rather uneventful--just a lot of questions about the ins and outs of Miss B. (haha-pun intended.) We scheduled a swallow study for her to make sure she isn't aspirating. We'll see how that goes.


The End.

(Anti-climactic, I know. But I would MUCH MUCH rather have her medical episodes be anti-climactic instead of being nail-biters.)

Stay tuned...this week Miss B heads to Dr. Ears.

P.S. Miss B (and T-Man) are still sick. We saw Dr. SouthernKids on Friday, so now they are on various meds that should make them feel good. The jury is still out on that. I think they are doing better, just not totally fabulous yet.

The First Year

Here is the video I made of Miss Banana's First Year. All of her first birthday pictures (the outfit I made for her, the first spaghetti dinner, the cake smashing) start at around 5:45.

Song credits--"Joy In the Journey" by Julie de Azevedo and "Forward With Faith" by Kim Bracken.

Miss Banana's First Birthday!

We are currently experiencing technical difficulties--so the pictures will have to wait until after I pay a computer guru oodles amounts of money to tell me why my computer keeps crashing everytime I try to get my pictures off my camera...or whenever my computer has been on for awhile...or whenever I try to open a file...UGH--technology can be SO frustrating!  (And yes, I have Symantec's security system--and according to it, I do not have virus...I've also run different checks for spyware and adware...but my computer crashes before it finishes the scans.  Nice.)

Anywho, before I grovel at the feet of the computer gurus and ask them to fix my lifeline computer, I wanted to make a post about Miss B's birthday.  I made a montage of her first year with all of her birthday pictures in it--I will post it as soon as I can.

Last week, Miss B turned one!!

I can't believe it has already been one year...I know that is cliche...but a year ago I didn't know if she would make it one day, one month, one year.  This is a major milestone!!  When I look back at the person I was before we got Miss B's diagnosis, I am ashamed about how small-minded I was.  And not that I am perfect now, but I know that she has opened my eyes to how miraculous life is and how much joy there is in everyday life.  And that all the little wonders in life should not be taken for granted. 

I didn't know how much I needed her!

Miss B brings joy with her wherever she goes--I know I've said it before, but she just radiates light--and you just can't help but feel happy around her.  There really is something magical about that extra chromosome...I don't know how to explain it.  It just is.

Oh, how I love my Miss Banana!!!

Here are some of the things Miss B is doing at one year:

• Sitting independently
• Can go from tummy to sit, and back down to tummy independently
• Gets on hands and knees and rocks back and forth (she is SO SO close to crawling!)
• Can roll, army crawl, etc to get herself to pretty much anywhere she wants to go
• Can feed herself
• Eats soft table food
• Can drink fabulously from her Honey Bear
• Uses a perfect pincer grasp--aka pick things up between her thumb and forefinger
• Says "mamama" in my direction and "dadada" in Dr. C's direction and "byebyebyebye" while waving when it's time to go
• Can sign "baby"
• Is solidly in size 6-9 month clothes (although I put a newborn t-shirt/shorts outfit on her the other day, and it fit!  Apparently we still have some growing to do!)
• Still wears size 01 shoes
• Likes to play with toys and loves books
• Loves music and will dance whenever she hears it
• Has one tooth--with 3 more trying to come in
• Has everyone wrapped around her little finger

Happy Birthday Miss B! 

It's Time To Think Big

I'll get back to our Spring Break Recap sometime soon (you all really do have to see the cute shirts/dresses that my sister and I made for our kiddos...and now I know how to applique! woot!)

But I have to admit that I've been having some what of a pity-party for myself. It's those darn comparisons that do it--and no, I have not been comparing Miss B to anyone--I've actually been comparing ME to other moms. And not just your typical mom...other moms whose kids have Down syndrome too. And whenever I compare, I always come up short in the "doing it right" category. Or in the "I wish I was doing that" category or the "how come I don't have that?" category. And I look at my life and think "why does it have to be hard??" Ugh. All the comparisons put me on the 5 o'clock Express Train to Pity-Party Central.

And honestly, Pity-Party Central stinks.  It's a miserable, lonely place. 

As I read other people's blogs...I have been completely jealous of the playgroups and support groups that other people have--while I don't even have ONE friend that has a child with special needs...(although Addy is working on it!!) and I KNOW that there HAS TO BE other kids with Down syndrome around here...somewhere. Miss B's various therapist have mentioned 2 kiddos that are just about Miss B's age...and I have given the therapists my info to give to those moms, but no response. Maybe they don't need a friend as much as I do??

And then the other night on the soccer fields, I saw a little boy, about 7 or 8, that had Down syndrome...but he wasn't anywhere near any adults--and I thought he might think it was a little strange for some random lady to start talking to him...plus Fearless was about to wet his pants, so we just kept walking.   And so the pity party continued...

And then I went to that reception for World Down Syndrome Day that our nearest support group put on--a group that is centered in a town that is over an hour away from us.  All the people there live in The City.  And we live in The Village.  So while everyone else was talking about their latest playgroup or comparing notes on different therapists...they would occasionally ask us where we are from.  Or how old our daughter is.  You know, the polite-get-to-know-you questions that everyone asks.  The same questions the same people asked us last time we went to an event.  In other words, they don't know us and when they only see us once every 4 or 5 months, they aren't going to get to know us.  It stinks to not even fit in with people who know!

I hate Pity-Party Central.  It doesn't flow with my general disposition.  I LIKE to be happy.  And happiness is a choice.  No one, but me, can decide if I am going to be happy or not.

So it's time to take a trip to The Land of Thinking Big.  The place where if I don't like what is happening (or not happening) in my life...I change it.  The place where I get up and grow up and DO something about it.
 
So wish me luck as I try to start a support group in our Village and the two other villages around us.  I don't know what this will entail, but I refuse to accept the fact that I am the only mom around here that needs other moms in The Club.  No longer will I allow myself to feel isolated and sorry for myself that there is not a local support group here.  No longer will I bemoan the fact that life is hard. 
 
Because I can do hard things.
 
Goodbye Pity-Party Central, I won't be visiting again.

Charity

This video made the tears flow.  Oh, how I hope and pray that there are charitable girls around when Miss Banana gets to this age!

Love

I know it's February and everyone has love on the brain.  And I guess I do too.  But not necessarily the sappy-Kay's-Jewelry-commercial type of love (although Dr. C does still make my heart race), but the deep down, life-changing, boundless love that I have for my family. 

After Dr. C and I got to unwind  last night(and catch the last of the Saints' big win), we went to check on the boys.  They'd pushed their beds together and then fallen asleep--apparently the 4 feet that normally seperates their beds was too far.  It was just a little sign that they love each other.

T-Man and Fearless take good care of Miss B.  They are the only ones that can get her to smile while eating vegetables.  When they play with her, she is enamored with them; she is completely ecstatic to be the center of their attention.  She loves them, and they love her.

As for how I feel about my family--Oh how I love them!  Dr. C and how hard he works for us and how he still does things around the house and never complains when I forgot to switch over the laundry.  And how he will do anything to make me happy--including taking me to The Big City on a random Saturday b/c I just really miss Target.  He is the.best.husband.ever. 

And T-Man with his amazing ability to understand and comprehend and communicate way beyond his little five years.  Sometimes, I forget that he was ever is still little. 

And Fearless with his endless energy and his surprising quirks and ability to make me laugh and keep me on my toes.  And how he always has a kiss and a hug for his mama (even when he's mad at me.) 

And Miss B--when I cuddle her, I'm intoxicated by the love I feel for her.  She has taught me more in her short 10 months of life than I could have ever learned without her.  She taught me that my love for my family is deeper than I even knew and just how blessed I am to have them.

So yes, love is in the air...but more importantly it is in my home, in my family and in my heart.

"i did it"

Jennifer of Three's a Charm came up with these "i did it" t-shirts. I was excited when ours arrived in the mail because I want everyone to know that Miss Banana can do it, has done it, will do it, and now she has the t-shirt to prove it!

Seriously though, in her short little life, she has already done a lot. She spent a week in the NICU, had open heart surgery and was out of the hospital a mere four days later, moved across the country, learned to roll from her tummy to her back, how to hold her head up, how to breastfeed (another post about that later), how to smile in a way that melts your heart and has figured out how to have everyone around her wrapped around her little finger.

There have already been things that people have told me (and Miss B) that she would never do and yet she did them. As I watch her work on her therapy "homework" I am amazed at the concentration and persistence she has while practicing a skill. You can see how hard she is thinking about what she wants to do and how to get her body to do it. I don't know if I'm just paying more attention to Miss Banana's development than I did with T-Man's or Fearless', but I don't remember them concentrating in the way that our little lady does. Maybe it's just because they didn't have to fight for each skill the way she does--or maybe I've just forgotten. Either way, it is a joy to watch her progress and learn and show her personality. Each milestone she reaches is a celebration--just the other day Miss Banana rolled from her back to her tummy for the first time (hasn't happened again since, but she's getting there!) and the way Dr. Corn and I were cheering, you would have thought she had just won the Superbowl. She is a fighter, a survivor, a champion, a blessing in our lives. Each moment with our little lady is cherished, enjoyed, and treasured because we know that whatever she wants to do she can do. In fact, she just did it.

"Was It Hard?"

The other day I was telling a new friend about Miss Banana's heart surgery. She asked me, "Was that hard?" My first response was, "um, YEAH!" I tried to say something polite while internally thinking that her three-word-question seemed like such a quaint, understated way to ask about the most life-altering year of my life--how was I supposed to respond when the word "hard" doesn't even begin to cover it? I have been mulling it over and over...(I'm sure she has long since moved on) but as I have replayed the past year and thought about how "hard" it has been, I think I would change my answer, or at least soften it. Has the past year been hard? Of course. Undeniably hard, stressful, and exhausting. At times I have felt so completely emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained that it was next to impossible to accomplish anything. I was in pure survival mode. "Was it hard?" YES!

But, as I have reflected on each challenge and looked at the year as a whole, all of the blessings we have been given rise above all the "hard" parts. When we first received Miss Banana's diagnosis, God prompted friends to call, stop by, send cards, watch the boys, and just be there to listen. Within two days of our amnio results, every single member of our family had called us to see how we were doing--without even knowing that we had had the amnio done. That on it's own is some sort of miracle! During Christmas, someone chose our family to do the "12 Days of Christmas" with...I have no idea who it was, but I will forever be grateful to them for leaving little presents on my doorstep for those 12 days--days when I was having a hard time feeling the Christmas spirit, but the fact that someone was thinking about me and cared, was a blessing.

After we learned about Miss Banana's heart defect, I felt like I had sustained another hit to my emotional battleship, but once again, we were blessed. Another family we know had had a baby that needed heart surgery and they were willing to answer all my questions and give me confidence that our surgeon was "a rock star heart surgeon". And the level of love and support that I found myself surrounded by was incredible.

Another blessing was that Dr. Corn found a great job--granted it is in part of the country that I had never imagined myself...but after having been here for less than a month and have already made some great friends, who can complain? We are blessed.

When Miss Banana was born, we were flooded with offers of help--I was overwhelmed by the amount of service people were willing to do for my little family. Dr. Corn's mom, my mom and my sister all came to stay for a week each. Friends dropped off dinners or gift cards for meals, T-Man and Fearless were welcomed at friends homes while I headed to all the various doctor appointments--even T-Man's preschool teacher came to take the boys for a day so I could get some much-needed rest. We were blessed.

Then came Miss Banana's heart surgery. Not only did my sister selflessly take the boys for a week, but there were countless others who offered to watch them if we needed. And Miss Banana herself--open heart surgery at 2 1/2 months is no small feat, but we were blessed that the surgery was successful, that she has recovered so well, that she is alive, happy, and growing and developing well.

In our big move, I was worried about the services Miss Banana would be getting, but the Early Intervention program here is so proactive, that we are blessed with a better program for her than we had before.

I cannot thank my friends and family enough for their love and support through the past year. I cannot thank my Father in Heaven enough for prompting so many people to help in so many ways; for blessing my husband with the ability to finish school, find a job and provide for our family; for blessing my boys with an unconditional love for their sister and the ability to care for her in a much more mature way than their age normally allows; for blessing Miss Banana with good doctors, good health--even with her life. And for blessing me with this wonderful opportunity to have my husband, to be a mother to two exceptional boys and one extraordinary little girl.

"Was it hard?" Yes, but we are blessed.

Week In Review

It has been quite a week at our house this past week or so. Lots of different things going on, so this will be a random smattering of info post.

Last weekened was Miss Banana's baby blessing and lots of family came to visit. T-Man and Fearless had so much fun playing with all of their cousins but Miss Banana, the lady of the day, slept through a lot of it. After the whirlwind weekend, I realized how few pictures I had taken--what a bummer!

Here are few of Miss Banana--she wore the dress/bonnet that I wore when I was blessed--how cool is that?? Funny story--Dr. Corn got her dressed before church on Sunday and put her in the car before I was ready, so I didn't see her until we were walking into church. As I peeked into the carseat to see how she looked, I noticed that the bonnet was on upside down and backwards--oops! I guess we're still learning about all the girl accesories! We fixed the mistake and I think she looked pretty cute.

Tuesday,Wednesday, and Thursday I spent getting ready for a Garage Sale--I ended up getting rid of almost a whole vanful of stuff--yay for less stuff to have to move! Thanks a ton to Heather who helped me price everything and let me join her and her other friends for the sale. There is something freeing about getting rid of stuff and it's always a bonus when you make money doing it too!

Thursday was also a big day because we meet with Dr. Heart Surgeon at Children's to learn more about Anna's upcoming open heart surgery. Dr. Corn and I decided that Dr. Heart Surgeon struck the right balance of being confident and realistic about her surgery that we feel comfortable (well, as comfortable as you can be under the circumstances) with him performing the surgery. The surgery should take about 4-6 hours (possibly more). He was great at really explaining things to us--so now I have a much better understanding of what has to happen and the complications that could arise. Please keep praying that none of those complications happen and that Dr. Heart Surgeon will know what to do and that he will do it well.

After spending 5 hours in Omaha at Children's, we headed home to pick up the boys and noticed that Fearless had a MASSIVE bump on his head behind his ear that was making his ear stick out funny. So, since we hadn't had enough of hospitals and doctors that day, Dr. Corn took Fearless to the ER to figure it out. After a CT scan and various other tests, it was determined to be a bug bite that has gotten infected. So now we are on a round of antibiotics for him. It's bubble gum flavored though, so Fearless thinks it's a treat.

This week is kind of a down week--the calm before the storm of next week maybe? I'll keep everyone updated. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and support--I will probably requesting more next week as we head into surgery.

Next week I'll try to update as things happen so one post isn't quite so busy!

Little Sioux Boy Scout Ranch

I have been through many severe thunderstorms in my life. I've heard the tornado sirens go off several times. Once, while we were in Missouri, there was a massive storm that produced 97 confirmed tornados in about a two day period. Through all of that, I have felt an air of invincibility. Maybe because I have been through so many without every being really scathed, I have just thought of these storms as part of life and no big deal.

Today, though, I am accutely aware of my mortality and the devestation that can come with a tornado. The boy scout ranch in Iowa where four scouts were killed was the same campground where I stayed last week. The building where the chimney collapsed and the four scouts were killed? That was the building were I had worked on crafts only days before. When we had storms at night, we used that building as our "safe" place to gather all the girls in. Those campers could have easily been me or any of my precious young women.

How grateful I am that we were protected. While at the time, I knew we were taken care of because the storm had split around us, I think I didn't then fully comprehend the horrors that could have occured. I can only imagine how I would feel if any one of those teenage girls that were in our care had gotten hurt or killed last week. My heart goes out to those parents who sent their children to camp and never got to see them alive again. I will keep them in my prayers.