Friday, October 29, 2010

Two Years of Knowing

Last year on this day, I finally wrote about getting Miss B's diagnosis

As I read over that post now and think about the lady that felt those emotions and the lady that wrote about the emotions a year later and about myself now--I'm just in a very different place.  The shock has turned into acceptance.  The fear has turned into faith.  The tumult has turned into peace.  The grief has turned into joy.

Two years ago, Down syndrome felt like the end of the world.  It felt as someone had ripped my "ideal life" right from my dreams and put some big dark and mysterious cloud in it's place.  I wasted a lot of time crying and worrying and feeling physically ill during those first few months of knowing. 

But now?  Down syndrome is a wonderful part of our lives.  The diagnosis that I had thought was going to forever roadblock our happiness was actually a gateway into a whole new road with some frightening downhills (like open heart surgery and all of the other medical scariness) but when we come back up, life is even more beautiful than we could see before.  The little joys that I used to take for granted, are now noteworthy events.  That extra chromosome that I thought would limit my path has actually pushed me higher than I would have ever gone without it. 

A lot of times when people find out that Miss B has Down syndrome, they say something to the effect of "that must be hard" or "that sounds really tough" or something like it.  But it's not.  Really.  Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them that Miss B is not hard.  In fact, she could quite possibly be the world's easiest baby.

I wish I had known that two years ago.  I wish I had believed the other moms that are further down this road that also promised that Down syndrome is not bad--Really.

My hope is that someday, some mom that has just received a diagnosis will read my post from last year.  And then hopefully read my post from this year.  And I would bet my post next year will be even better.  And as this mom reads, she will find a glimmer of hope in that dark, mysterious cloud...and maybe, just maybe not let the cloud be as terrifying as I originally thought it to be.  Maybe she will find the joy sooner.

Because Down syndrome is not bad.



Adelaide Dupont said...

Such a macedoine of emotions.

And of course I say: "Congratulations! May the knowledge grow strong and gentle and graceful."

heidi marie said...

It is truly amazing the transformation we take because of our little ones. You want to make everyone see that we shouldn't be pitied. The truth is I feel so blessed to have Henry and special that I get to be a part of a world of so much love and understanding.

stephanie said...

It's something you just have to experience, don't you think?

i know I wasted A lot of time worrying and crying. But I just could not understand how it was going to be OK. Until I held her...

Beautiful post!!

Katie said...

I have a two week old with DS. I've been online like crazy trying to find support and ways to help myself..I stumbled across your blog and this post inspired me so much! I hope you don't mind if I follow your blog..and if you want to be invited to mine just let me know. It's a new scary world for me..but I'm glad to know it gets better!

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