Friday, March 26, 2010

It's Time To Think Big

I'll get back to our Spring Break Recap sometime soon (you all really do have to see the cute shirts/dresses that my sister and I made for our kiddos...and now I know how to applique! woot!)

But I have to admit that I've been having some what of a pity-party for myself. It's those darn comparisons that do it--and no, I have not been comparing Miss B to anyone--I've actually been comparing ME to other moms. And not just your typical mom...other moms whose kids have Down syndrome too. And whenever I compare, I always come up short in the "doing it right" category. Or in the "I wish I was doing that" category or the "how come I don't have that?" category. And I look at my life and think "why does it have to be hard??" Ugh. All the comparisons put me on the 5 o'clock Express Train to Pity-Party Central.

And honestly, Pity-Party Central stinks.  It's a miserable, lonely place. 

As I read other people's blogs...I have been completely jealous of the playgroups and support groups that other people have--while I don't even have ONE friend that has a child with special needs...(although Addy is working on it!!) and I KNOW that there HAS TO BE other kids with Down syndrome around here...somewhere. Miss B's various therapist have mentioned 2 kiddos that are just about Miss B's age...and I have given the therapists my info to give to those moms, but no response. Maybe they don't need a friend as much as I do??

And then the other night on the soccer fields, I saw a little boy, about 7 or 8, that had Down syndrome...but he wasn't anywhere near any adults--and I thought he might think it was a little strange for some random lady to start talking to Fearless was about to wet his pants, so we just kept walking.   And so the pity party continued...

And then I went to that reception for World Down Syndrome Day that our nearest support group put on--a group that is centered in a town that is over an hour away from us.  All the people there live in The City.  And we live in The Village.  So while everyone else was talking about their latest playgroup or comparing notes on different therapists...they would occasionally ask us where we are from.  Or how old our daughter is.  You know, the polite-get-to-know-you questions that everyone asks.  The same questions the same people asked us last time we went to an event.  In other words, they don't know us and when they only see us once every 4 or 5 months, they aren't going to get to know us.  It stinks to not even fit in with people who know!

I hate Pity-Party Central.  It doesn't flow with my general disposition.  I LIKE to be happy.  And happiness is a choice.  No one, but me, can decide if I am going to be happy or not.

So it's time to take a trip to The Land of Thinking Big.  The place where if I don't like what is happening (or not happening) in my life...I change it.  The place where I get up and grow up and DO something about it.
So wish me luck as I try to start a support group in our Village and the two other villages around us.  I don't know what this will entail, but I refuse to accept the fact that I am the only mom around here that needs other moms in The Club.  No longer will I allow myself to feel isolated and sorry for myself that there is not a local support group here.  No longer will I bemoan the fact that life is hard. 
Because I can do hard things.
Goodbye Pity-Party Central, I won't be visiting again.


Kimberly said...

I've been to a few events that our DSA has held, but I don't really know anyone with a child with special needs either. I'm a pretty big introvert so I haven't felt the lack much, but I do worry that I'm doing my bear cub a disservice by not finding her other babies to play with other than her sister.

Sweet Pea's Mommy said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one throwing pity parties around here! We all need one from time to time and I love how quickly yours ended and you made the decision to make a change! Congrats! I wish I had some advice for you, but I was one of the lucky ones that met up with our local group when Sweet Pea was only a couple of weeks old. I can't tell you enough how wonderful it has been! One thing that you might be able to do is this...there is a yahoo group for our local group and everyone posts questions and shares ideas. You could do that with your The City group and then maybe that can branch out into you meeting some from The Villages?

You are doing great with Miss B and I hope you find other local mommies soon!!!! At least you know you have a ton of cyber friends!

kecia said...

I think pity parties are ok once in a while...maybe even therapeutic...when you move out of them! If I was by you (which I guess I don't really know where you are) I would have a playdate with you! I just barely met a few people for a play date (and my daughter is 3)but only one of them lives semi close to me.
Hang in there!

Nonte Family said...

If it makes you feel any better, I always wonder how I could be a better parent and I think of you as a role model. You are an amazing mother. Playgroup or not, you do great things for all of your kids. You'll succeed in starting your support group, you always succeed in getting people together.

The Mussertons said...

Go for it! You are an amazing mother and your children are blessed to have you. I don't think you will ever regret putting yourself out when you have your kids best interests in heart, as well as yours! Good luck and have fun with it! :)

Kristin said...

That's too bad you haven't found anyone close. There has to be other families near you who need support. Have you tried facebook? I know people who have made wonderful connections that way. There must be something in the water around here, 75% of the baggers at the grocery store we go to have Ds or some kind of developmental delay. The local support has been wonderful. Hope I can be a supportive bloggy buddy :)

Jill said...

I love you. That's all. No words of wisdom to share. If you were close, I'd be on your door step with a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Not that this would fix anything, but a pity party always needs to include ice cream even if the party is a short one. :)

stephanie said...

Carrie! What a good idea! I have the same problem, I get green when I hear people talking about their play dates and groups when I have none, OH, and Emmie too. OOPS. I know I'm not the only one in RI with a baby with Ds. So where the heck do they all hang out? I have the same issues with people at our Ds party's. It's all the polite questions but no hook up. So how are you going to do it? Let me know!!!! I want to see if I can start something. Unless you feel like relocating to RI!
Seriously keep us posted!!! I am clueless as to how to go about anything like this.

Monica Crumley said...

Good for you! It's hard to feel like you're on the outside when you're really not. I hope you find some special moms to connect with. It's made all the difference in the world for me.

Talley Images said...

So feeling you... I have been trying to seek out adopting families and DS families to no avail - that is why we were so excited to meet with yall.

If you get a group started, I would love to know all the details... although we arent quite there yet, eventually we will be

Lindsey said...

You can make it work! I'm sure a support group would be so nice and I'm sure those other parents would benefit as well. And good luck giving up pity parties, I seem to have one about once a month :)

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