Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The numbers

Miss Banana had her evaluation with the physical therapist (Ms. Large Moves) today during her OT appointment.  Miss Banana did fabulous (except she refuses to roll during any therapy session even though she rolls constantly at home); she held her head well, good arm extensions, good stabalization, good baby sit-ups, etc.  Ms. Large Moves was all praise and just kept saying how fabulous my little lady was doing as she went through the evaluation.  Which, for me, is always nice to hear--I mean who doesn't like hearing that their kids are awesome?? 

Anyway, I was feeling pretty good about where Miss B is in her gross motor development until we got to the end and Ms. LM scored the evaluation.  The result?  5 months.  Miss Banana is at the stage a 5 month old would be.  Except, she's almost eight months old.

Sigh.

The OT and PT were praising her and saying how awesome 5 months is--which it IS, I mean, Miss B could hardly move for the first 3 months of her life without losing weight, so I know I should be ecstatic that she is as far as she is.  And usually I am--its just when I hear the darn numbers, that I feel bummed that she isn't doing more, progressing faster, you know--rockin' the socks off all the charts.

I know that the numbers don't REALLY matter. 

But KNOWing that, and being able to accept it and let go of all the numbers and age ranges for milestones are two very different things.  It's easier to let it go and not care about when she gets to certain stages when we are at home, in the day-to-day of life.  But when I lay her down next to a baby that is 3 months younger than her and they are doing the same things--or when a professional flat out tells me she is 3 months behind, I get this moment of competiveness where I feel like I have to make excuses for Miss B or that I have to start doing more and I'm disappointed that we aren't farther along.

After I get over that moment, the guilt comes that I even HAVE those thoughts because I know I just need to let Miss Banana be who she is going to be.  I have to get over the fact that there will be delays in her development and that it is okay.  And some days, I'm there.  But when I hear the exact amount her delay--when it is quantifiable--I'm still thrown.

Then I get caught in the mental guilt battle of:
Am I pushing? vs. Am I encouraging?
Am I doing enough? vs. Am I doing too much?
Am I letting Miss Banana be herself? vs. Am I projecting myself onto her?
Why do I care about the numbers?!?

Sigh.

I hate the numbers.

4 comments:

Sasha said...

I honestly can say that I have ever had anyone mention numbers to me until today. They were talking about where Wysdom is with oral feeds and they stated only about 3-4 months. For me it doesn't bother me so much because I know right now that he has had a hard first year and is just trying to catch up. So he is behind almost across the board. Especially in gross motor and feeding. Why don't you ask them not to put an number on her progress? Instead talk about what she is doing and what needs to be done. I am sure you are doing an amazing job, so try not to beat yourself up over it. My worry is just if I am challenging him enough so today I had a therapist show me some new things. Hang in there. Way to go Miss Banana

Nonte Family said...

I'd be pretty behind too if I had heart surgery. In that case, she's way above the rest since she had to overcome that! Most 8 month olds just have to worry about eating and sleeping, but Miss Banana had to worry about getting her heart on track. In my book, she's way ahead of the rest!

sara p said...

i know how you feel. it is really hard to hear, but we have to remember our kids are amazing:) they are going to do everything they want to do,.. its just going to take them a little longer to get there. they will get there... and thats the important thing. but again i know how you feel.

oh, i also wanted to say i love your blog, i've been following for a while now:) you family is super cute:)

Sheva said...

Hi, thought id pop in here. Someone with a very high functioning DS teen told me here secret was to " have high expectations, accept less, and reward often" I love that i think it will be my parenting theme for all my kids. On a side note don't stress mostly all DS kids walk, talk, roll, sit, etc just a little later. My typical son walked very late and it doesn't mean anything and my other son walked at 9 months and he is not a better walker than his older brother it is just what it is.

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