Crash.

It was bound to happen.

EVERYone warned me it would.  The doctors, the nurses, my mom, my uncle...and when I heard them talking about it, I believed them.  Logically, I knew they were right.

But then...

Life happened.  The kiddos needed help with their homework or getting their lunches made for school the next day or the bed needed to be made or I wanted to stay up and watch the Cardinals play.

And then:

I CRASHED.

My left side, that had been feeling stronger, felt weak again.  I was exhausted again when I had been feeling a bit more awake.  My head ached.  My neck was sore. 

It was as if I had regressed at least a week's worth of recovery.

Stink.  Should've seen that one coming.

It was bad enough that on Monday, Dr. Brains did blood work and ran some scans on my brain to make sure everything was alright--to make sure I didn't have meningitis or some other infection.  (Love that he is so cautious with my brain!)    He offered to do a spinal tap right away, just to rule out the serious stuff.  Or, he suggested putting me back in the hospital for observation.

Ummm, no thanks.  Let's hold off on that kind of nonsense until after the blood work comes back.

When the test results came back that my blood didn't point to signs of infection and that my brain was looking great, Dr. Brains told me to be careful and to watch myself and this was probably just a downturn on the roller coaster of brain surgery recovery and that I needed to REST, REST, REST.

Maybe I'm just sick of resting.

But since it's my brain, and Dr. Brains knows what's up, I've been trying to take it easier this week.  Sitting around more.  Reading books. And sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.  And accepting more help--I even allowed someone from church whom I had never met before to come to my house while I was still in my pj's (too tired to shower), and then vacuum my house and sweep my kitchen floor. 

I usually don't even let my sisters and best friends see my house messy.

I know, I know, I need to be humbled. 
Learning that lesson over and over--can we be done with that now? 
Thanks.

I told her that after that first meeting, we were either meant to be really, really good friends, or she would forever think I was a slob--friendship over.  Hopefully, it will be the first one since she offered to come back next week.

In someways, this means everything is back to normal because I'm back on the never ending quest to find that fine line of balance. 

Usually, it's a balance of spending the right amounts of time with family, friends, church, and community...trying to spread myself a little thinner without letting anything fall through.

Now, it's the balance of doing something so I don't have the guilt that comes with watching other people do my responsibilities...while at the same time not doing so much that I can't do anything and then I'm no help to anyone anyways.

Balance. 

Ugh.

Haven't found it yet. 

Perhaps it's just a myth, no matter what.