We listened to Alice In Wonderland in the the car during our road trip to the beach over the summer. In it, Alice decides to follow the white rabbit down the hole and a series of adventures unfolds.
In just a few hours, I'm heading down that hole and who knows what adventures lay ahead?
Over the past few days as I've been preparing for surgery, the one question that i ask myself over and over again is: Am I ready? Am I ready to walk forward with faith, no matter what happens?
Today, for the first time since that Worst Day, I felt like the answer was YES. In the past twelve days, my family and I have received an outpouring of love and support from people all over the world. We have been so blessed by so many people in so many ways, that I have just been filled with gratitude.
And if you are filled with gratitude, there is no time or place for fear.
But then I had to tuck my children into bed tonight, not knowing when I would see them again.
And that was hard.
Because if something major were to go wrong tomorrow, how would it be for them?
Would Miss B even remember me?
As I tucked her into bed,the weight of that question swallowed me whole; and I was overcome with fear of the murky future.
I begged her:
Please don't forget that I am your momma.
That I love you.
That you eternally changed me for the better.
Please don't forget!
Please just remember me.
I don't know the outcome of tomorrow, but I hope and pray that no matter what, my husband and my children know that I love them with all my heart. That I want them to be eternally happy more than anything else. That they can be eternally happy if they trust in the Lord and His plan for our lives. I pray that they will take the hard things that inevitably come with life and turn them into opportunities to become more like the Savior. That the love of God is always there for them. I pray that they will know that they will never be left alone and that God will comfort them.
I pray that when the storms of life come upon them, they will be ready to move forward with faith, no matter what happens.
I will try to set that example for them in just a few hours.
To the rest of you, I love you all. Words cannot describe how blessed I feel to be surrounded and uplifted in prayer and good thoughts by so many of you. Your love and generosity and sacrifices on my behalf have changed the sadness of my diagnosis into the joy of gratitude. You have touched and softened my heart in the deepest way possible. I am forever changed by your acts and words of pure selflessness.
And now, the adventure begins and down the rabbit hole I go.
2 days ago